From Zero.. good show Crowds need to grow up tho

From zero.. Very cool show. The pits were kina stupid. I would post that in a review if it were up to me. It seems to me that at every concert there is that guy.. you know the guy.. He comes in with no shirt and just goes fuckin crazy from the first opening band to the last stage call.. Last night no acception. There was the Shirtless guy.. trying at every effort to look big.. sucking in his stomach sticking out the chest flexing. Completly nausiating if you ask me well once my glare of distaste eventually meandered over to him he realised that I really did not care for him. I was standing on the edge of the pit as usual it also seems that I just end up there by default all the time. He felt the need to run head on into me about 6 or 7 times till I finally started pushing back. Well fortunately my best Friend dan and his bud Jeremy from st louis were with. Dan is about 6-1 250 ripped Jeremy about 5-11 250 also big boy ex marine. I being the smallest at my meger 5-7 was basically target practice for the whackos. Well after the 6th or so time I got hit Jeremy came in like a freight train and picked the guy up off his feet and speared him across the pit planting him firmly on the ground. Of cource.. he haad to retaliate. Theeen he realised it was me Dan and Jeremy together.. he quickly backed away.. it was quite humorous. That was all during one of the opening bands. From zero came on and about the second to last song the pit was pretty nasty. Shirtless guy made an appearance again and evidently had friends now and I got shoved from behind right in the middle of the pit. Not what I was expecting.. First thing I realised is that when I straightened up and looked around was mr. testosterone was headin for me. It happened pretty fast. He clipped me like Jeremy cliped him shouldered into my stomach and knocked me off my feet. This guy was prolly 6 foot but maybe 180 or so big but not that big. He was satisfied.. saying yeah huh thats what im talkin about as I was getting up.. I am a mild mannered person. I have patience. But vengance is a bitch. Jeremy and dan wanted to go waste the guy but I heled them back. I said just chill leave it be. They played Mind justice and when the song opened up the pit was raging again. The guy was out there as usual I waited waited.. He took one hit from a really big guy and was kina in a daze and I tapped Dan and went in and grabbed him by his waist and threw him face first into the floor. I felt vindicated. Although he was knocked out I think because He got up but had one eye closed and some other stragly looking guys helped carry him out... hint.. don't cheap shot me.. you won't want to pay the penalty. From zero was wrapping up and did the traditional walk off and the drummer Kid stayed up.. and the chant began. Jett the vocalist came back and said would you guys mind if we taped you maybe did somethin a lil diffrent. Of cource the resounding answer was hell yeah. They decided to do an acoustic version of Otherside. It was actually damn good I was really impressed. At the end of Otherside I was right infront of the stage and Jett looked down and looked me right in the face and did a double take then jumped off the stage to shake my hand and give me like a half hug. He said dude I have been gettin email from you you are Revolution. Right.. I was like yeah. He goes thats so fuckin cool I recodnised your shirt you said you would have one on that said homicide department chicago p.d. SO that was cool he shook my hand again said to keep in touch and he jumped back up on stage and left. So afterwards we went out to go find a place to chill and we went to the linclon park area. We tried like 3 bars nothing really was cool we just kina went in and sat down and walked back out. About 1 am we ended up back out in the suburbs and went to a place not real far from home and chilled out till about 4 am over all not a bad night. Just too late good thing im off today..

From Zero.. Metro.. in 1 hour first band stages.. Im goin.. friggin soon...

Again the day running rampid.. work went rather shitty but oh well.. Got home still no 3rd ticket in the mail for Tonight's From ZERO concert.. so i guess I have to pick it up at the box office or some shit.. So my best bud and bro Dan is on his way from st. louis right now he should be here about6 and the first band takes stage at 630. So.. we should in theroy make it in plenty of time For the boys in the Zero Nation.. anywho.. I got my rims today finally for my truck as well as the check from the punk kid that hit me. Much joy there. Then my bud Claudio called and said he will finally be able to do the roll cage in my car after months of waiting I take it over next wednesday. Whopedy do. So finally progress. Well im off to get ready. Gotta find my favorite shirt For chicago P.D. Homicide Department...... Ill update after the show prolly about 4 am ill stagger in Needless to say.. im not working tomorow.

The world can be a disheartening place.

Ah what a day what a day.. Things went well at work we made alot of progress at that new building my old partner came over today to assist. It was good to see him again and get back to old times. I ran into an old friend as well today too an electrician that was kina cool reunion.. Well at home the ritual stays the same. I got in tired as usual doin the daily stuff. Talked to friends much good became of that. Later on tonight is when the real excitement began. I was getting ready to go out on my run of stores tonight to pick up a few things. I was helping clean up from dinner and I went though the living room and heard shouting outside. I went to the front door to look and saw three girls out on the church lawn across the street involved in a screaming match that was getting very hostile very quick. And then there is me mr. congeniality.. I think I spelled that right.. not sure.. anywho. I went outside and over to see if I could do something to disolve the situation. Well upon walking up to the girls I noticed on the right there were to white girls that looked about 16 17 and a black girl on the left looking about 18 or 19 but there was a clear age diffrence between the two. I said hey.. and the black girl on the left says what the fuck do you think you are doin here motherfucker... cute language eh? Very ladylike. The two girls on the right appeared to have been crying or near tears. I said hey you guys gotta chill out this is a church. You can not act like this here its not cool. The shorter of the two girls at right said please we just want to go home and her leave us alone. Please. At that point the Black girl who I found out was named Zarina had turned her back and walked a few steps from me. I turned to the two girls and said what is going on here? The crying girl.. Jenny. Said.. that Katie the other girl and Zarina had been friends but no longer and now Zarina was stalking her and threatened to hurt her..... just as the words hurt slipped from her mouth Zarina comes up from my left and tries to clock Katie in the face with a branch from a tree that was laying on the ground. I kina moved over enough so it would hit me but Katie also had put up her hands to block it. I was like woah knock this shit off seriously you need to go home before I have your ass arrested. So Zarina backed a few steps and goes what cha gonna do motherfucker hmmm you cant hit a girl come on bitch try and hit me. I was like ok enough you leave go that way Katie Jenny you go this way thats enough. I kina grabbed on to the two girls and steered them one way and Zarina continued to follow stick in hand. I spun around and said I would never hit a lady. However you have the mouth of a saloir and the weapon of a man. Which would you be. She stopped dead in her tracks and just stared at me. I said ok let me clear that up. I dont consider you a lady and if you hit me with that im gonna bust it clean off and prolly take your hand with it. Well she then dropped it and began to walk off. So I just kina watched as they all seemed to part ways and I went back to my house. Just when you think its over.. its not..I got changed to go to the store once I got back and I was about to leave when I was gettin my shoes on and I hear screaming again. First thought.. Not again.. second thought yeah it is. I get my shit on and walk out to my truck. I cant see em but I can hear em so I drive off tward the store and passing the church I see them in the parking lot. Zarina has Katie pinned against a car and Jenny is running off like a lunatic. I stopped pulled in and first thing I said was dont you fucking understand church? They all stopped and looked at me. I said listen We lost 5 maybe 10 thousand lives so far in a war thats begining and all you can do is fight about petty bullshit in a church parking lot? I said come on give me a fucking break. Jerry springer would pay for this shit good money. Katie and Jenny regrouped and stood together while Zarina stepped back and said I dont think you understand Im gona kill this bitch. So I was like ok thats it im calling the cops and I grabbed my cell phone off the visor and Zarina took off so fast I swore she wasnt there.. Jenny and Katie both emotional wrecks pleaded for me to help them I said .. what do you want me to do. seriously? Katie said just please take me to the police station please. Mind you all this is going on 500 feet from my front door and my parents are watching it all transpire. So I slid my cds in the back seat and said fuck it lets go ill take you to the station. So both girls jumped in and I took them to the police station. Only to arrive and find out that if I did not stay and back them up There word wasnt worth shit they would just send em home. What a system hmm? You get your life threatened but since you are not 18 you dont mean shit. So I spent 2 quality hours at the Rolling Ghettos police department filling out papers and answering questions. End reslut is the girls parents came and got them and will press battery charges against Zarina and when they can finally get her they will arrest her. I guess this all came down because Zarina has problems at home and is into drugs and when Katie said no to the drugs she also cut off her friendship. Zarina I guess could not deal with that. Darn kids. I guess at some point if it goes to any kind of trial I might be involved but otherwise I am free. It really made me sad today to see what was going on. I know its hard to put all our problems aside and worry as a country about all of us but for gods sake. Lets try. Anywho thats my excitement for the day.. I hope somone reads this cuz im gettin boared of all this typing and no one sayin anythin..

Current mo...

Current mood: touched
Current music:P.O. D. [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<alive.>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]P.O. D. <Alive.>

Bleh

Well the weekend was rather duldrom for a weekend off. Friday night I went out to a car show to hopefully run into some friends. That did not quite work out how I hoped. I went up to the show by my house. I ran into my bud Greg.. well I thought he was still my bud. Of cource the usual hubub... my car did this.. bleh bleh.. and I did this and I went this fast and this guy... the usual b.s. Well Greg is always the center of attention his brother owns sticker dude degsins. They do vinyl graphics just like I do for my side buisness. Well the diffrence between his and mine.. his brother is more cutthroat and more on edge. Always lookin how to make money. Well I would be the same I guess if I had that big of a buisness riding on my shoulders. Greg also has a teal jeep cj 7 with a small block chevy in it that he races. Well in laymans terms.. its one fast ass jeep. Due to the fact it's so diffrent he always attracts a crowd. Friday was no acception. Although there was one kid that kina stood out asking questions and being rather probing as to what he wanted to know. But at the same time the kid was not all that sharp he basically asked questions that he could not understand the answer to. Beyond all that the thing that was more odd is by the end of the evening Greg is all buddy buddy with the kid I guess his dad ran an ez street car in the national muscle car association.. whopedy do.. also turns out hes 18 and goes to higschool with my lil sis.. Well the night progressed on and we decided to go cruise up to schaumburg there might have been some punks out wanting to street race. I was just along for the ride since my cars werent really done yet. So belive it or not kiddo tags along. Not with me he rode with greg in the jeep he looked like he had a painted on smile like he had never been in a fast car. So we goet up to schaumburg then hanover park. It was kina like parking lot bingo every time the kids with the rice burners showed up the cops came and made us move to another town. It was the usual. Well the final spot I was with them.. The kid gets out and right away talking shit without even knowing what hes talking about or whom he is talking to.. needless to say hes trying to get under the skin of one of the better known loud mouths out there and the guy is all over him and then I gotta go bail him out. Then we get back by greg and he tells me that I should have let it be because he could have handled it. I said well I did not see you around and before this turns into a slap fest I wanted to end it. He starts bitching how all I ever do is settle things out and I never even race and I should just back the fuck off.. blah blah.. I was rather shocked because I never really saw this side of him. Long story short I just left. I said fuck it and went home. Basically saturday.. boring.. worked on the car in the morning and went out and worked on a roof in the afternoon at my friends father's store trying to repair some things.. Then sunday I was pretty productive bummin but productive I worked on the car most of the day and cleaned up the house a lil for mom and dad. Over all nothing too out of the ordinary.. humm humm guess I should do my time card for work and get to bed... I got a long week again ahead.

The night is silent

I lied in bed last night and for the first time in my life in this house this town this place. Silence. The skies ran silent last night. Tonight the only sounds I have heard are a few scarce sounds of the Military planes watching over us. As I type this now I belive that I have heard one of the first planes to deport O' hare today. I was asked today. Do I really think its WW III and my answer without delay was yes. It is We have become the target of jelousy the target thought weak and the one thought vounerable. We will stand strong be resilant and we will prevail. Tonight I go to bed wondering should I take the offer to go east and offer help? Should I listen to my family and stay here? I know its my call I have to do whats right. What feels right to me. But in times like this. I do not know.

The tears that fall today only are a kiss on the days ahead to cry for.

24 hours have now passed since we have experienced the worse disaster ever known to the united states. We have done nothing more than draw closer together showing the world that United we do stand. I was touched today when they interviewed a worker at the site of the disaster when he said. "I am a hard working union man we work for family we work for country we work to bring america to life. Now in it's hour of darkness we work to bring it back. We will not divide Union means together and we are just that. I am proud to be an american today as I am every day when I know that the freedoms we do have are ours to have." The man who said that was a union Iron worker in New York. The devistation that we all see on television I know can only fracture a spot in all our hearts as to the mass distruction that the people of new york see first hand. One thing it makes you realise is you are not as safe as you may sometimes think. No one ever expected an air attack as what happened. The irony of what happened is absolutely heart breaking. United and American ariliners. Flown by pilots that immigrated to the states with no other plan than to hurt us. The nerve of it all is that we trained them. American pilots taught them. It's sickening. It's not as though we would know their intentions. Its more the fact they have turned our knowlege against us. As a whole we are a trusting people, we look for the good in everyone and hold it to be the prevailance of life. We have been assulted by people who only see the way of animals. Barbarians. They thrive on the suffering and pain of others. They dance in the streets while the bodies of the innocent line ours. What kind of world is this we live in? We all bleed the same why must they test this. I belive in my heart it all comes down to greed. The jealousy of the american economy the american way. It did nothing more than agrivate the less fortunate. The ones who live in poverty. The anger built in them for centuries and it has only escilated day by day. The happier we became the more jealous they became. No amount of money or power could equal the effect that our suffering gave to them. I know that in some way we will overcome this. The one thing I fear is Nato. We have joined alliance with many other countries. They support us all the way they can not wait to get in there and kick some ass just like many of our own boys here at home waiting to go after the enemy. The thing that remains.. when all the dust settles. If we are vounerable again? Would one of our own allies infringe on our weakness and try to overtake us? Treaties are nothing more than a peice of paper to some. Should we really involve the world or should we go and clean up on our own? I belive that this is a direct and clear statement they want to dance one on one with us. We have the power lets dance we don't need the chorus. I cautiously go to sleep tonight waiting for how the world will change overnight. I know that the world has forever changed and nothing on earth will let it go back to what we once heled so dear. My thoughts and prayers go out to those who have lost and who have perished in the tragedy that has unfolded here. The real heros are always the ones unspoken.

The night began it The darkness ended it.

Midnight. I attempted to get back to bed and get some sleep. Well the night did not go well lots of pain in my eye lots of tossing and turning. I woke up at 415 with a terrible stomach ache and heart burn. It happens sometimes when I am really stressed. At any rate I tried to scourry about and do my normal morning routines. I got out the door by 5 and was on my way downtown. I got half way and called my partner and said I feel like shit fuck it im not coming in. He said no biggie take care of yourself dont get sick and he said get some rest and call him later. So I spun around and went home. I went to bed about 645 am and was awoken by my cell phone at 7:00. Get your ass back downtown. The superintendent said that I had to get some programing with the computer straight. Fine fine.. I got my shit together and left.. aaagain.. I get down there and get in the buiding and get my shit set up and my partner and I hear on the radio.. And an airliner has just crashed into the world trade center.. a complete silence has come over the floor. Steve and I just looked at eachother and grabbed our shit and quietly walked out. Just moments before getting off the stairs.. I had a terrible feeling in my chest right down in my heart. Something was really wrong. I dismissed it as heartburn. As we jumped down the stairs another radio on the bottom floor blaired out and a second plane we repeat a second plane has just crashed into tower two of the world trade center in new york city. As steve and I walked to the parking garage we stopped as he said you know.. whats the date? I said sept 11.. His face turned white. Steve served a term in viet nam. An old school military man who was drafted only to be blown up by friendly fire and live to tell the tale. He just said.. 9 1 1 and then I realised the significance of the date and he also said that the israilies and pakastan he belived a few years back on this date had signed a treaty at camp david.. We got our composure and got to the trucks and got the hell out of the city. As we were leaving he said.. this is it. THis is the begining. World war 3 the one to end all wars. You know it and I know it. SO get home and hug your family tight because today is the day the world changes. I dont think I have ever heard a truer word spoken.

Both me and the country cought with our pants down... Part one..

So much has happened in the last 24 hours. Here at home and all over the world. Who would think things could change so much in just a matter of hours. Starting chronoligically with my own hell. Yesterday I had a odd day at work being I had to deal with the computer control guy and a host of other people wanting to know why things were not done and if they were why they were not done a certain way. The day basically went by very slowly. At 230 I recived a call from the training center where I go for schooling be it manditory or voulentary I go for many classes at diffrent times of both year and day. Turns out I have night classes begining yesterday the 10th at 6 pm to 9 pm for air management and balencing. Whopedy do. Actually its not so bad becuase I get my certification in 2 years and I will get my raise and a host of other benifits to my job. Well being that school started at 6 and I was still downtown and had to run home shower and change and prepare for class.. it was a surprise to say the least catching me very much with my pants down. We wrapped things up downtown and got going by 315. I left the jobsite only to get into traffic seeing a major bind I made some decisions and ended up heading north first and opted to take some side streets. Well getting off the expressway I was being tailed by a Mitsubishi Eclipse which had been up my tail pipes since I left downtown. I was none to happy about because the kid in it was clearly not paying attention to his driving. I got up to the top of the ramp to enter foster avenue and you have to stop its not a merge lane. As soon as I came to a stop wham. That was it I was just about set for the day. The kid slammed into me. He crushed in the back of my newly repainted rear bumper and effects I had done to my truck just 2 months earlier. I was to say the very least.... Pissed. The kid gets out and he was asian of some decent and his passenger also got out who was hindu or arab to some extent as well. The driver spoke very broken english and was extremely hard to understand. The passenger was ranting and raving that there was nothing wrong and what the fuck was my problem stopping when I did. Immediately the additude was evident between the two of them they did not feel responsible for the actions occured. I however felt it was brazenly clear who was responsible. The anger amist the two of them was clear in the air there was no real visible damage to his car although the angle he hit me at he did a considerable amount to my truck. The driver mustered up that he would get his insurance card out and give it to me and blah blah.. well. He got back in his car and was rumaging though the console and he quickly dropped the car in reverse and began to make his escape.. That was cut to a hasty end by me reaching in his window and grabbing him by the throat. He then stopped and handed over his insuance card and drivers licence. I copied the information down. He asked for mine so I hand wrote out a copy of mine as well. He sat in the car the entire time. I told him then a police report was neccisary and we had to go to the station down the street. He just said ok. I gave him back his licence and card and no sooner done as he spun the tires in reverse and tore out back onto foster and took off back tward the city. I was quite perterbed at this point I then noticed upon rubbing my face to get the dust off I had been hit in the eye with something and it appeared to be stuck. I went into the gas station where I was and told them I needed a sink or something that I had been hit in the eye. The Indian or arab counter person told me that they had no such facilities for anyone. I was again even more perturbed. I scavanged my truck and found some napkins and heled one up over my eye which was tearing up badly and immensely painful and got back in my truck. I pulled back out and headed down to the police station where I basically ran into the bathroom inorder to wash out my eye. I did so to much of no avail. I thought that I had gotten out whatever it was and it was ok because my vision somewhat cleared and it felt slightly better. I went out to the counter and found out that the Chicago police could do nothing because it happened on a state highway technically. I was upset about that and he told me to call a number and they would direct me further. So I did so and had a great time talking to automated menus and swearing at my phone. That did not come out on top it seems I have to wait till wednesday and make a full report at a designated place downtown. As for my left eye I discovered very painfully on the way home that the object was not dislodged and was still floating around in there. Greeeeeeeeeat. I drove home in much pain only to see that I could not make it to class and I would end up being out for the night. I called my doctor only for him to say try murine or go to the emergency room and have it removed. They also recomended sleep or shutting my eye for a period of time inorder to let the fluid flush it out. Great more great. So I konked out about 8 and was out til eleven last night and arose with a terrible headache to find out my eye was swollen pretty much shut and I looked like a freak show. I went back to washing it out and I think I got it this time. Well nighty night.. Please stay tuned.. as for part two of this story begins at midnight..

WHAT am I rambling about?

You know alot of things roll though my mind in an ordinary day.. where I am going where I have been and many the lyric to many a song of the past and some of the words to those yet unwritten. I was restin when I came home from work today.. I decided I just have not been to enough concerts and or.. I just have no friggin life.. Most likely the fact I have no life is whats becoming most evident. Well last night I came home and ran down Shaffeild past the vic theatre.. I saw a sign it said.. Megadeth.. AT THE VIC? whats up with that I must be getting old or they must be getting very unpopular. I remember seeing them when I was just a lil shit at the rosemont horizon. And now at a small vinue. Jessh.. anyways.. I guess I will just have to be content seing from zero in a few weeks at metro and seein Incubus later on at the riv. Beyond all that I was thinkin well I am always thinking.. Why does it seem like so many people end up going for the wrong people? I have noticed alot no one in particular. Just alot of people I know they seem to head down the wrong path pick up the wrong girls and guys. I mean does anyone think past tomorow? Am I the only person that thinks about tomorow or the day after. I guess call me old fashioned for wanting that. But oh well. You know my ex told me a long time ago. I think too far ahead. Is that bad? You actually look at the person you like and say hmm could I actually be happy with this person in a year? Maybe past that? Is that wrong? I mean just because I think of more than what she looks like naked and maybe if she will be an intresting conversation? hmm Just many a thought. I really dont know. This is kina some of the reason why I almost envy my best bud because He lives carefree. If he looses his girl he will just find a better one someone thats better for his life. I guess im like that too it's just I have always looked further past what is gonna happen when things happen. I dunno. I don't know alot of things I just know what I need where I will be and what it's gonna take to get there. I will say now there is a 80% chance I will be living on my own in the next year and a half and there wont be anyone with me. Maybe the only person will be my best friend. I dont know that I will have some live in story book relationship. I know what I need to do. I just don't really know how its gonna happen in the order. I need my house I need my job secure which it is. I need my car situation straight and I want to have my toys and stuff before I go having any kids or even thinkin of it. Which means my parents will not be gran parents till I am about 30.. is that bad..? If IF IFFFFFFFFF I have kids. It is one scary thought.. lil clones of moi runnin around.. hmm that is a scary thought..

The rage is relentless I need a movement with the quickness

You know.. I joined the Q101 club thing souly for the fact I could get concert tickets before the general public.. which was a major bonus for a couple shows. NOOOw.. it seems with all the promitional bullshiznit That there is about three billion frigggin members.. wtf.. Both family values and Incubus tix went on presale by the time I got home from work they ended the sale WHAT THE FUDGGE! I work my ass literally off and I come home just wanting to get into a couple of good shows to relax as I feel I deserve.. and the club FUCKS ME.. thank you corprate media america... I love how you can be bought and sold with the drop of a hat.. Typical of this great nation of ours.. making money is always presidence over peoples personal gain.. or is it personal gain.. I JUST WANTED GOOD SEATS FOR 2 Lousy SHOWS is it so much to ask people is it? Since I have to work the day the tickets go on sale if anyone so graciously gets a spare and would like to donate to my pre birthday fund it would be greatly appreicated.. I just love surprises.. Hint hint wink wink nudge nudge.. come on help a poor brother out.. Anyways.. guess who gets to work not only saturday.. but maybe and if im a good boy.. sunday too! oh im positively estatic.. if a corpse can be estatic.. someone shoot me and make sure im still breathing because otherwise hook me up to the jumpercables and let me have it... I really need sleep can you tell.. ? Oh and If anyone out there actually does read my journal other tha a few of my tightest friends... Please feel free to comment every now and 'gain I would love to know who's out there trying to dive into the twisted PHSYCHE.. that IS the ... Dum dum dummmm REVOLUTIONARY...

State of the Non united government of smurf humping homophobes adress.

Ah well another day passes. Exhaustion sets in. The overtime is still goin. I got a call tonight about 7 pm I was groggy and actually sleeping taking a short nap. Ofcource who is it? One of the bosses. I said listen man can you leave me alone after I go home I mean give me a break I am literally talking about this shit in my sleep. It's not good. I do not want to bring work home with me at all. Screw that. He got all pissy and just said fine he will be there first thing tomorow mornin. So I just said fine and hung up. They can deal with me at the job fuck bothering me at home. UGh and echk to that. Although I talked to a few more intresting people tonight beyond that it was pretty bland. I went to the gym ran 4 miles. Lifted arms.. as if you care.. then came home to rest yet again. The lighting split the sky tonightJust though that I saw the moonlightMy fears forgottenMy times lostJust remembering what the one had costHer hair across her shoulder so delicate and serene.Her eyes like shadows peircing and present The darkness falls and lies her in lightLeaving me with nothing again tonightI know now what I never did beforeTimes lost are nothing moreYou can take back memories But the fight is never wonYou Fight aloneI drift back to the clouds So Full yet so clear The thunder crashes as the rain falls like glassGlass under the mirror The mirror sees the broken heart remainsBleed only to me Lost with nothing to gainSweet sorrow once again Tears so tender yet so weakThe pain knows the solice found withinI hide it again to keepThe lighning splits the sky

GOD ...

GOD IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF 12 hour days.. and they start again.

Anyone else want to kill the comedian Carrot top?

I've been away for quite some time. I have quite the week of up's and downs. Work has been a real trial. I spent monday though Friday working half days at Levi's Michigan Avenue store and then after ten am I would have to pull up all my tools and move over to the building known as hell. Boeing International Headquarters. Seems that it has been making big news the last week. Many a news camera passed filming the " new chicago World Headqarters.." whopedy do. What no one is emphasising on is the fact this great new buisness emipre for chicago only created about 100 new jobs for chicago natives. That still have not been annouced to be permanant or temporary. But the news sees its a new Big ass buisness. The media ever corprate controlled shrouds the truth as always. Turns out that out of the 900 plus employees that boeing wanted to bring to chicago from seattle. Maybe a total of 200 accepted the relocate with promises of great new single family lofts in the city as well as suburban houseing provided. Bottom line they felt Chicago is just too dangerous a city for them the crime level is just so much dramatically diffrent from Seattle. It's Ironic their memo of protest reached some of the construction workers here on site but never surfaced to the media. It's rather funny. Well beyond the corrupt world we live in. I have had a few rises and falls my self. First off to many the contrary. My race car.. which is very important to me. I have been waiting for weeks and weeks to get this guy to weld in the roll cage. < the cage is a set of bars welded inside the car degsined to protect the driver in a rollover crash> I ran into him today again! I asked him what the deal was and his only answer was .. um well im taking my car to the track tomorow and I was there Friday as well.. Thats great. He can take his car up and have fun. I have been busting my ass working overtime to pay for the special welding he has to do. And I have not even started my car this summer. It has become very disheartening. I really don't have alot I enjoy as much as my car. Some may not like to hear it but I like my car better than any physical relationship or sex could bring. Nothing mathces the power and the feeling of 2 g's against your body accelerating to the speed of 150 miles per hour in 9 seconds. I miss the feeling of going to a cruise night and having all the people I remember ask me what Ive done now or whats up with the car. Instead Friday night I rode in with a friend of mine and everyone I spoke to had a similar response of oh.. car still in the garage huh? Are you ever gonna get it done? It's really disapointing to hear that wether it be in sarcasm or not. I hate making excuses. I hate saying something is not done. Now I am at the mercy of others and must wait till they can complete their end so I can finish mine. I hate being dependant on others its the one thing I dont think I can handle. Since I was a little kid as far as I can remember I have always been very independent. I know I will never change I know that it hurts me sometimes but most it pushes me further. My parents have reconsiled their diffrences for now. Or so it seems. Last weekend when I was in st. louis I guess they had a talk and things got somewhat straight. I also realised something well more so now that its past. I actually think I miss or regret not going to college. I miss the being on my own with no one to answer to the 4 years of no worries and just school and having fun. It's that part of life that so many of my friends will look back on and say... I remember back in college.. and we had that crazy party where all these girls got naked.. and I will say yeah thats when I was working 12 hour days busting my ass at boeing.. It kind stings.. I almost wish I could just drop it all and go away to school. I wonder at the same time what would I amount to. Would I be any better off than I am now? what if I just wait till I get done with my apprenticeship and go to some classes at night. I will get the same degree right? I just won't have the fun. I kina envy My best bud Dan. He's holding the pressure with school but still having fun. He works at a bar meets all kinds of people he gets out and has a good time. Now he has a great new truck I helped his dad find for him. I guess I just did not have that kind of life for me cut in the cards. I wouldnt have the shit I do now if I went away to schoool I mean how many 22 year olds make 30 k a year with basically no college education and I am not nearly at full pay yet. Im not even making half. I will have a home of my own when im 24 at the latest. I mean it has it's plus that I am working this hard now. But I guess to some extent I miss out on my " child hood" I guess I always have I have had the work ethic in me since I was as young as I could remember. I guess beyond the darkness and the solidarity I was growing up I used my anti social behavior to cover the fact that the only thing I really cared about was working and getting what I really wanted. What I wonder now do I really want it?

Frustration

Another day passes. The weather sucks my hours suck I have no life. In a nutshell I am living the good life. Gotta love that. Well as previously before mentioned.. Dad came back from Texas Sunday. Some of the time he was gone I often questioned if what he muttered was true. Was he gone for good? Was that the end of this family as I know it. Would it be the deciding moment that everything in my life would change? I did not know I found out when he came home. It was some sense of releif. On the other hand as soon as he returned the incestant arguening like children began again between him and mom. Over stupid shit. Mom thought he had taken the income tax refund check with him from last year. We were saving it to put new windows in the house because the ones that are in here now may just as well not exsist. We need new windows bottom line. Beyond all that it turns out when Grandma and Grandpa were finally gone there was a small inheritance. Not much at all to speak of but it was something. My dad has a big heart for his own blood but sometimes it hurts him. He always gives in to his sisters and brothers wishes no matter how big nor small he gives to them before his own childeren or wife. It has always been a staple in my life and I am used to it. However even after 23 years mom still can not grasp it. The little bit of money he got mom felt he should keep and use to fix up the bathroom so we can try and move after the windows. Well he had other Ideas. His sister who gets public aid welfare and just about any goverment subsided bullshit she can.. she wanted his share of the money. Because she pulled out her sob story that she is raising her grandkids. She wants the best for them and blah blah. Bottom line for kids on welfare they are fucking spoiled brats. They get any toy they want they dont sleep at any set hour they do what they want and they go on extravagant nation traveling vacations yearly if not more. It's kina sick that she can some how canive money to take care of these kids and live like a princess and we have to struggle and we have not even been downtown as a family ever in my entire life. My aunt pulled out some bullshit story about how when their brother Rick passed away she claims she souly paid for his funeral and all the bs to accompany it. Well turns out after the fact. He was a disc jocky on a mexican station back in texas and when they heard of what happened they Immedately donated 15k to his fund to help his children and family. Well the fund was in care of his sister because his wife was a diagnosed skitzo. Great family isnt it. So sandy played up her poor me story and dad agreed to give her half of his 3k share. Well the rest left him with 1500 well now hes talking to his younger brother who was trying to find him a nice old car down in texas to bring home. Well he finds a cool ass wagon that needs a little work and gets that for him but unbeknownst to us he sanded it and decided to have it painted because it was faded... smart move.. not. well when dad got down there His brother Junior tells him he needs to get 2500 for the car he paid 500 for because of all the labor and work and time. Bullshit. He found a creative way to screw dad out of the rest of the money. Well mom was furious because she did not think what he did was right. The way dad is looking at it is that the money never exsisted never worry about it its not worht it. I agree partially its more the principal and not the money. He is also claiming that we are crowding him and asking too much of him. He has gotten into this mode where he comes home at 330 goes to his room turns on the tv watches it till 7 showers then goes back and watches till hes asleep. FIne but.. when shit has to get done lets do it. Well when it does its a big inconvinence. And now everything is mom's fault. Just like when mom doesnt have money its dad's fault.. This is what im going on hearing every day. I just hope we come to a concusion soon.

I just lack ...

I just lack all motivation.. Fighting with my best bud tonight. Bad day at work. Tired... ugh Ill ramble later I think ill go to bed

somethings never change

surprise surprise.. My best friend Dan came in today rather unexpectedly from st. louis where he lives now... That was a welcome visit only the fact of me finding out I am still working 12 hour days out at that big boeing job.. that sucked. Then I finally got rid of that police car I stripped out I had in my driveway I am relitively sure my mother will be estatic its gone. I know it. The guy who came to get it was a total billy I mean redneck extraordanare. My sis was in the house kina freakin like who is this hillbilly... well now thats out of the way. Plust I finally got my intake back for my other car. ( The intake takes in the fuel and air mixture to feed the combustion cycle of an engine)* fun fact #1 anyways I got that after a month wait geesh..so I got home and determined I went at it hard puttin it back together.. got some done..other than that Talked to an intresting new friend tonight.. A fellow artist and comic fan.. you know who you are.. Talk to you again soon I hope.. well im off to slumber

Remembering

Somedays when I wake up I see the blue skiesI see the cold rain Some nights when I go to sleep I see the ashes burning to the candles end I see the flames go out I see the dark come in.these are the walls that are my prision ever growing tighter pulling in.When I look up to the sky I see the only thing the salvation that lies betweenYou know what all I've lost is gone Whatever I have found is done I search the skies again to see the one who pulls me in I find whatever I have lost is gone.Every day when I wake up I see what Ive been given I hope to make the best of it. Every night when I go to bed I look at days gone by and I see the mistakes and flaws within.I strive for better I strive for worse I can not find the between I know what I can do is all that you can ever expect from me.When I look up to the sky I see the only thing the salvation that lies betweenYou know what all I've lost is gone Whatever I have found is done I search the skies again to see the one who pulls me in Each day I see the sun rise again sometimes hidden sometimes closed in I see the sun it remebers me I know that it is all I will see. I find these walls closing in pulling closer holding me in. When I fear the dam is about to break I fall to you for all our sake I know that you will be my strength. When I look up to the sky I see the only thing the salvation that lies betweenYou know what all I've lost is gone Whatever I have found is done I search the skies again to see the one who pulls me in Some days I wake up and I see that its one more day to say goodbye to you my strenght is gone I see your eyes pulling away drowning insideSome nights I go to sleep finding you in my dreams always to keep I know you will be there for me even though I can not come back for you.I will wait on the other side no matter the time the place shall be the only one. I will be there for you my own blood you are my brother we are one.

Im back

It's been a while. I have been away for so long. I miss being able to have a life outside of work. I sometimes feel as if im a slave to the system. Every day I try and convince myself that I am against the system I am not one with it. I can be myself and no one can change me. I look at what im doing and I realise that I'm doing notihing more than building corprate america.. well I am building the very thing I despise the thing I blame for the decline of society as we know it. Boeing International Headquarters... whoo whopedy do. As far as life beyond work. I in some form really want to meet more people and find more friends again because lack their of. I have my friends I hold near and dear to me but somedays it just seems as though no one is around. I know that not everyone can make time nor can most everyone live the way my schedule does. I accept that I just would like to have someone to be around every now and again. My best friend is in st louis all the time he comes up here maybe once a year or a few times just for a weekend at a time or so the other friends I have are mostly from racing or cars. I know that its good to have the ones I do but I wish I had more that I could share more a common intrest in. I guess what Im saying Is I need someone I can go hang out with again every now and again. I dont know neccisarily if its a girlfriend or just another guy to hang out with maybe even a girl just to hang out with keeping the sex or anything to that effect totally out of the picture. Im not sure I just know that I am gonna stick my head out there and see what happens. I have found someone I like to talk to online she's very sweet shes from the north side of chicago and there are alot of things I like about her I wont say too much as not to jinx things before they get started. Oh well back to productiveness

Weekly update..

So.. Finally finished working the night shift.. for now. Rumor has it there may be more night work coming up. Whoo. I am the nocturnal one... I am Batman.. The one bonus is no one is around when you work at night the draw back is you can't stay awake long enough to get shit done during the day. Oh well you give you take in the end you make out. Tomorow I am goin to the new boeing aircraft office I guess our company got the contract to do the Air balence there and guess who is in on that one. I cant complain too much I heard that we are doin saturday and sunday again there. Sounds good too due to sunday is all double time gotta love that. THe one thing I dont like is the fact I have not had a day off in almost 2 weeks that kina blows but oh well. Overall home life nothing has changed mass confusion as always. Seems Dad is leaving for Texas either Firday or Satruday night. Not sure as of yet. Either way he will be back in somewhere around 2 weeks. He is comin back with a car for himself that my uncle Jr. Found for him. Oh well I guess I will turn in for the night. Back to sleeping at night.Big change.