Sunday, August 12, 2007
WHAT am I rambling about?
You know alot of things roll though my mind in an ordinary day.. where I am going where I have been and many the lyric to many a song of the past and some of the words to those yet unwritten. I was restin when I came home from work today.. I decided I just have not been to enough concerts and or.. I just have no friggin life.. Most likely the fact I have no life is whats becoming most evident. Well last night I came home and ran down Shaffeild past the vic theatre.. I saw a sign it said.. Megadeth.. AT THE VIC? whats up with that I must be getting old or they must be getting very unpopular. I remember seeing them when I was just a lil shit at the rosemont horizon. And now at a small vinue. Jessh.. anyways.. I guess I will just have to be content seing from zero in a few weeks at metro and seein Incubus later on at the riv. Beyond all that I was thinkin well I am always thinking.. Why does it seem like so many people end up going for the wrong people? I have noticed alot no one in particular. Just alot of people I know they seem to head down the wrong path pick up the wrong girls and guys. I mean does anyone think past tomorow? Am I the only person that thinks about tomorow or the day after. I guess call me old fashioned for wanting that. But oh well. You know my ex told me a long time ago. I think too far ahead. Is that bad? You actually look at the person you like and say hmm could I actually be happy with this person in a year? Maybe past that? Is that wrong? I mean just because I think of more than what she looks like naked and maybe if she will be an intresting conversation? hmm Just many a thought. I really dont know. This is kina some of the reason why I almost envy my best bud because He lives carefree. If he looses his girl he will just find a better one someone thats better for his life. I guess im like that too it's just I have always looked further past what is gonna happen when things happen. I dunno. I don't know alot of things I just know what I need where I will be and what it's gonna take to get there. I will say now there is a 80% chance I will be living on my own in the next year and a half and there wont be anyone with me. Maybe the only person will be my best friend. I dont know that I will have some live in story book relationship. I know what I need to do. I just don't really know how its gonna happen in the order. I need my house I need my job secure which it is. I need my car situation straight and I want to have my toys and stuff before I go having any kids or even thinkin of it. Which means my parents will not be gran parents till I am about 30.. is that bad..? If IF IFFFFFFFFF I have kids. It is one scary thought.. lil clones of moi runnin around.. hmm that is a scary thought..
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Don't take this like I am saying this to fit in with what you are saying or anything like that but I too think far into the future. Sometimes too far and others, well once in a while not far enough. I always really study people, like if I am on a date. I try to think about what it would be like to be with them and only them for the rest of my life. Or what kids with this person would be like, how we would support ourselves, if they or I have a future. Then I think about other stuff. What do I want to do with my life? What do I want to have done for me before I go worrying about taking care of little people that are a part of me? and if I get married, how long do I wait to have kids? I surely don't wnat to get married because of being pregnant. I would want to enjoy the person that I married. have them all to myself for some time. Do I want to bring kids into this world? Is the world safe, are things going on that I would want them to have to deal with? After all that has been going on lately, will I even have to wonder about having kids are getting married or will war end my life or the possibility for me to create life or the man that someday i will find and soemday I will marry, wil he be able to have kids, will people be mutated.....(that sounds silly but if there is a war with chemicals, that could happen). In the end, nothing feels resolved and I am scared so I try very hard then to not think about it and save it for another time. And sometimes I figure, yes Meagan you do want children. Though there is so much wrong with the world, there are so many beautiful wonderful things that I could share with them, that I could show them and teach them and precious times that I could have with them. Of course these thoughts all came before 9-11 so I don't know what I think now. :(
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