Anyone else want to kill the comedian Carrot top?

I've been away for quite some time. I have quite the week of up's and downs. Work has been a real trial. I spent monday though Friday working half days at Levi's Michigan Avenue store and then after ten am I would have to pull up all my tools and move over to the building known as hell. Boeing International Headquarters. Seems that it has been making big news the last week. Many a news camera passed filming the " new chicago World Headqarters.." whopedy do. What no one is emphasising on is the fact this great new buisness emipre for chicago only created about 100 new jobs for chicago natives. That still have not been annouced to be permanant or temporary. But the news sees its a new Big ass buisness. The media ever corprate controlled shrouds the truth as always. Turns out that out of the 900 plus employees that boeing wanted to bring to chicago from seattle. Maybe a total of 200 accepted the relocate with promises of great new single family lofts in the city as well as suburban houseing provided. Bottom line they felt Chicago is just too dangerous a city for them the crime level is just so much dramatically diffrent from Seattle. It's Ironic their memo of protest reached some of the construction workers here on site but never surfaced to the media. It's rather funny. Well beyond the corrupt world we live in. I have had a few rises and falls my self. First off to many the contrary. My race car.. which is very important to me. I have been waiting for weeks and weeks to get this guy to weld in the roll cage. < the cage is a set of bars welded inside the car degsined to protect the driver in a rollover crash> I ran into him today again! I asked him what the deal was and his only answer was .. um well im taking my car to the track tomorow and I was there Friday as well.. Thats great. He can take his car up and have fun. I have been busting my ass working overtime to pay for the special welding he has to do. And I have not even started my car this summer. It has become very disheartening. I really don't have alot I enjoy as much as my car. Some may not like to hear it but I like my car better than any physical relationship or sex could bring. Nothing mathces the power and the feeling of 2 g's against your body accelerating to the speed of 150 miles per hour in 9 seconds. I miss the feeling of going to a cruise night and having all the people I remember ask me what Ive done now or whats up with the car. Instead Friday night I rode in with a friend of mine and everyone I spoke to had a similar response of oh.. car still in the garage huh? Are you ever gonna get it done? It's really disapointing to hear that wether it be in sarcasm or not. I hate making excuses. I hate saying something is not done. Now I am at the mercy of others and must wait till they can complete their end so I can finish mine. I hate being dependant on others its the one thing I dont think I can handle. Since I was a little kid as far as I can remember I have always been very independent. I know I will never change I know that it hurts me sometimes but most it pushes me further. My parents have reconsiled their diffrences for now. Or so it seems. Last weekend when I was in st. louis I guess they had a talk and things got somewhat straight. I also realised something well more so now that its past. I actually think I miss or regret not going to college. I miss the being on my own with no one to answer to the 4 years of no worries and just school and having fun. It's that part of life that so many of my friends will look back on and say... I remember back in college.. and we had that crazy party where all these girls got naked.. and I will say yeah thats when I was working 12 hour days busting my ass at boeing.. It kind stings.. I almost wish I could just drop it all and go away to school. I wonder at the same time what would I amount to. Would I be any better off than I am now? what if I just wait till I get done with my apprenticeship and go to some classes at night. I will get the same degree right? I just won't have the fun. I kina envy My best bud Dan. He's holding the pressure with school but still having fun. He works at a bar meets all kinds of people he gets out and has a good time. Now he has a great new truck I helped his dad find for him. I guess I just did not have that kind of life for me cut in the cards. I wouldnt have the shit I do now if I went away to schoool I mean how many 22 year olds make 30 k a year with basically no college education and I am not nearly at full pay yet. Im not even making half. I will have a home of my own when im 24 at the latest. I mean it has it's plus that I am working this hard now. But I guess to some extent I miss out on my " child hood" I guess I always have I have had the work ethic in me since I was as young as I could remember. I guess beyond the darkness and the solidarity I was growing up I used my anti social behavior to cover the fact that the only thing I really cared about was working and getting what I really wanted. What I wonder now do I really want it?